Month: February 2023

In the spirit of Les Cheap girls (filles pas chères for those schooled in French), a free coffee tour was planned. The four charged (get it? in a charger) their way to Greenwell Coffee Farms in Kona.

The Hard Hitting Reporter went with them to the tour.

HHR: Could someone in the group tell our readers about the tour?

Debbie: Well, you are a hard hitting reporter. You could tell them if you hadn’t skipped the tour and sat on the patio drinking free coffee.

HHR: Debbie, we don’t really need your input since you don’t drink coffee.

Larry: The tour told us that Kona coffee is coffee grown in a particular geographic area.

Debbie: Yes and then people asked the guide over and over what was Kona coffee trying to trick him. What if you add coffee and it is not grown in that geographic area? What if it rains more in one place than the other? What if they harvest at different times? Blah blah blah.. It is the same answer people.

HHR: Debbie you seem a bit hostile about this tour.

Jerry: Well, it was about to pour down rain on the tour and you were sitting on the patio. People did ask a lot of questions.

HHR: How is the taste determined?

Larry: Well, it depends on the soil, weather, harvest.

Debbie: Again, people asked the question over and over. I heard one lady ask her spouse if he was bored. His response was that it was okay but so many questions.

Joyce: The tour was an hour long but was only supposed to be 30 minutes. Did you know that coffee was discovered in Ethiopia by goats eating coffee beans and acting peppy?

Jerry: They also grow peppercorns for some reason to help the coffee. We saw them covered with fertilizer on the ground.

Debbie: Yes, and some tour members ate the peppercorns off the ground sort of like the goats ate the coffee. I think that might be airplane barkers.

HHR: That’s plenty of information from you Debbie

Debbie: It was a good La Cheap Girl tour.

Larry: I just want to say that my coffee is better. and I don’t pay $60.00 a pound

Debbie had carefully reminded Joyce when they were arriving. Joyce said that they would not have any problem finding them because she had rented a red charger. Debbie read the text and shouted “Muscle Car”. Larry heard the news and shouted “Muscle Car!” They had visions of throwing the doors open and leaping out at the ready. Debbie thought this might negate the purple shoes.

Debbie and Larry arrived in Kona and it was dark, pitch dark. Too dark to see colors. Once Debbie and Larry figured out that they were standing in the taxi lane and that was why people were driving by yelling at them things went better.

They spotted the muscle car which looked quite impressive. However there was a policeman standing by Joyce’s window. He looked like the Rock’s little brother who we will call Chip. (Get it a chip off the Rock). Chip, smiled at Joyce and said two things. One, you are in a handicap zone and two how familiar are you with how a charger works? Chip went on to explain that the back lights weren’t turned on and reached in to adjust them. Chip wished us a pleasant trip and sent us on our paranoid way as we do not believe that the front and back light can be turned on separately. This means that the group constantly check their lights before driving anywhere.

There also seem to be lots of chargers in Hawaii. The group has since decided that only people over 60 are given muscle cars especially red ones. They also don’t actually leap out of the car – it’s more like the dryer door flings open and dumps the towels on the floor.

The hard-hitting reporter is traveling with the group to keep you updated on the latest Hawaiian travel. HHR begins her reporting with an interview about their flights to Hawaii.

HHR: Debbie, those are quite the shoes you have on. I didn’t know that purple could be that bright. You seem to be the only one in the airport with purple shoes on.

Debbie: I didn’t think your wheelhouse is fashion. Only true fashionistas know about purple shoes. Do you have questions about the trip?

HHR: Larry, can you tell us about the first leg of your trip to San Francisco?

Larry: Well, Debbie and I sat across the aisle from each other. The flight attendant offered us pretzels or cookies. I took the pretzels, and then Debbie gave me a granola bar.

Debbie: Let me interrupt right here and say that Larry said that he could eat any granola bar. So I just gave him one that I didn’t think I would like. I was quite surprised when Larry was mouthing “Rancid” at me and pointing to the bar.

Larry : Turned out the granola bar was rancid. I had to spit it out.

HHR: That’s shocking! Did you think Debbie was trying to poison you?

Debbie Wait a minute. When I saw Larry was having trouble with the granola bar, I gave him a third of my special sweet and salty, dark chocolate and almond granola bar. It was really hard for me to give up that third because I was really hungry.

HHR: Larry, what happen when you got to San Francisco?

Larry: Well, Debbie immediately raced off the plan and got herself a special deli sandwich called “The Nob Hill”. I went to Burger King.

Debbie Hold on, I offered you 2/3 (the lady couldn’t cut straight) of my sandwich. Then you just didn’t come back and I thought well maybe I should make it half-and-half so I ate part of it and then it just all disappeared. I mean Larry got a whole Whopper.

HHR: What happened on the next flight to Kona?

Larry: I’ll tell you – Debbie got upgraded to first class.

HHR: Larry, did you get upgraded?

Debbie: Hey – I did get Larry a row by yourself and close to the front.

Larry: Yes, but the man in front of me couldn’t hear very well and shouted all his conversations.

Debbie: I kept waving to you until the man in front of you started waving back to me.

HHR: Debbie, Tell us about your food on the trip.

Debbie: Well, I had warm nuts, a drink, thai chicken and then a warm chocolate chip cookie. It was so hard trying to sleep with all the food service.

Larry: I had a pretzel.

HHR: Well, Debbie sounds like you had a delightful time. Larry, I am so sorry.

Debbie: I got him to Hawaii, didn’t I? Why don’t you talk to Joyce and Jerry about their trip?

HHR: Jerry, Joyce – tell us about your trip.

Joyce: Well, we did have an incident. We were in a 3 seat row with a Irish guy named Ian by the window. In the row in front of Ian sat Uri.

Jerry: During the flight, Uri reached back and touched Ian’s knee. Ian went berserk and started cursing. This set off Uri who began to curse in Polish.

Joyce: The flight attendant was called. The attendant told Uri to calm down and was told to stop touching people.

Jerry: Then Uri started barking and howling like a dog. The flight attendant had to ask Uri not to bark.

HHR: It sounds like an intriguing trip.

Joyce: We think the flight attendant might be considering a new line of work.

Recently, Debbie determined the importance of feet. Wrong shoes can make your life difficult. She now submits to pedicures. Her feet are often featured in photographs. Wrong shoes can make your life difficult. Debbie wants to have happy feet.

In theory, there are shoes that that make one’s back more comfortable, and Debbie wanted that so she went on a shoe quest. The first pair was purchased and soon arrived. The pair had white rubber one inch wide surrounding the shoe. On that white rubber in large capital letters was the word “ORTHOPEDIC”. Debbie was a walking billboard from 30 feet away. Debbie decided that as much as she wanted her feet to be happy that this could not happen and returned the shoes.

The next pair in the quest were made by Kuru. The company is a bit more sedate with the advertising but they do send an email every day asking Debbie if she needs another pair of Kuru shoes. Debbie now has a brilliant purple pair of shoes which are visible 30 feet away. However Debbie has decided to stick with her Merrell shoes but use the Kuru shoes in the house. They are a bit loud .

Debbie is taking her Merrell shoes to Hawaii. She will be sedate yet with happy feet.

Unfortunately, when Debbie was on the way to the airport she looked down to find the purple shoes were on her feet. She almost screamed out loud how did this happen?

Debbie sat in the airport wearing a five-year-old girl’s dream outfit of a pink shirt with purple shoes. It’s going to be a long flight.